


A Signature on the Back of a Case

by angeru_hatake



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Grand Prix Final, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Yuzuru Hanyu Misses Javier Fernández
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:42:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22070485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angeru_hatake/pseuds/angeru_hatake
Summary: After the terrible SP on the GPF 2019, Yuzu was having a mental break down.
Relationships: Javier Fernández & Yuzuru Hanyu, Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu
Comments: 2
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!  
> I am still figuring out the tags. Will add as I update the works. There are some F words, same sex relationship implied and thought on suicide.  
> Please mind the tags as you read :)  
> Enjoy!
> 
> This work is not beta'd. I'm sorry for the mistakes.

Yuzu closed the door behind him.

_ Don't cry. _

He crouched down, hugging his knees.

_ Don't cry. Not right now. _

It had been a terrible day. His SP was a disaster and not having anyone beside him made it more unbearable. He glanced to his stuff, which were thrown right after he opened the door, and his eyes landed on his iPod. Yuzu flipped it and there it was. His fingers traced the signature inscribed on the case. A sad smile formed on his lips, remembering the person who gave him that signature.

Javier.

He remembered the nights they spent together after competitions. Sometimes Javi would barged in to his hotel room after he came back from drinking with his friends, just to play games or chat with him. Sometimes he would be too drunk and ranted on how he was rejected by a cute girl at the bar, in half English and half Spanish. Those nights usually ended up with Yuzu being in Javi's arms on bed. Javi would hug Yuzu and tell him he was the one who would never leave him and how thankful Javi was. Then, Javi would drifted off to sleep still hugging Yuzu in his arms. A few hours later, Yuzu would have to call Brian or Ghislain to pick Javi up from his room.

He remembered that night when he asked Javi for his signature on his beloved iPod. It was the day Javi packed the last skates he stored in his locker. Yuzu was more anxious that day and could not jump properly at all. After their session, he held the case and a permanent marker and handed them to Javi. He tried not to cry again. He had been crying for almost a week and Javi would always hug him every time. 

Before he knew it, a tear rolled down his cheek. He was unbelievably lonely right now. He knew Ghislain was coming. He knew he got a team to support him. He knew he should not be like this right now. But everything was so hard today. He was so tired.. of everything. He did his hardest and it was still not enough. He made mistakes he should not. He was weak and exhausted.

How nice it was to just end everything. To sleep for a long time. To be, for once, not having to meet everyone's expectations.

Yuzu stood and walked to his hotel room's window. It was a beautiful city outside. He wondered how the world would be without him. Would it still be this beautiful? He bet it would. He was just a human being after all. A weak human being.

He touched the glass with his hand, and he gripped into his iPod on the other.

All of a sudden, a rock melody was blaring through his quiet room. He got a call. Yuzu cursed under his breath as he walked back to his bag to get his phone, taking mental notes not to forget to silent his phone on competition again. Just before he took his phone, he thought maybe his mom or Brian was calling him and intended to just ignore it. But the name written on the screen broke every last brick of his heart he desperately held tightly to not be crumbled tonight.

Javi called him.

Yuzu picked up the call and bit his lips so he would not make any noise.

"You are not okay. Tell me about it." With those words, Yuzu cried. He fell to the floor and cried his heart out.

"I know... I know... I know... Its okay... You are not alone... Its okay..." Javi whispered softly as Yuzu broke down crying.

When Yuzu tried to collect himself few minutes later, Javi asked him what had happened and why he was alone. Yuzu explained about Ghislain and told him how he felt about his SP. He did not tell him about the scary thoughts he had just minutes earlier, though. He knew Javi would freak out if he found out Yuzu had a thought to end his life, even just for a few seconds.

Soon, Javi drove their conversation further and further from the GPF. He told him about his ice shows, about how he taught many kids who eagerly wanted to be figure skaters, about the weather in Madrid. 

"..and that is how my mom thought I had an allergy on rat. How is it possible to have an allergy on rat?? It's called a self defense! Not an allergy!" There went Javi's rant again and Yuzu giggled. Javi seemed to notice Yuzu's mood changed to be better. They had already talked for almost two hours, and Javi had to end their call, unfortunately. But he knew Yuzu was better now.

"You know you can do what you want and need. You can show how frustrated you feel and that's okay too. Don't listen to anyone too often. Do what you want to do. You remember I will always be by your side whatever happened, right? Go Yuzu. You can fly. I love you." Yuzu smiled. It was not that sad smile he had just a few hours ago. He found his strength again. He knew Javi would always be the one to give him the hope he needed, whenever he needed it.

He glanced at his iPod once again. Right now, everything he felt was just longing for someone he truly missed with his whole heart. And that person's voice gave him hope and support. 

'I love you' is an expression of adoration from Javi to him. Yuzu knew it would never got to the point where it meant more than  _ brotherly love _ , and they often said it without much thought. But 'miss' was something totally different. He knew he needed that person's presence in his life. That was why he felt like he had lost something important when Javi was no longer a home he could return to whenever he wanted. The word 'miss' held his whole feelings. His loneliness, his sorrow, his anger, his fear.

Even so, he could never find any words to express how he missed Javi, and some part of his mind told him he was too selfish to wish Javi would be by his side forever. That was why, that day when he asked Javi for his signature, he did not say anything about how he felt at all - afraid he would just be a hindrance to Javi. And since then, he always told himself he would be okay. That he had been mostly alone all his life so going back to it would not hurt him. But here he was, missing that person more and more everyday.

_ It's okay. _

_ It's okay like this. _

_ As long as I can hear your voice like this, it will be okay. _

_ I will be okay. _

"Yes." Yuzu said. "I know. I love you too."

_...and I miss you so much… _

"Thank you,  _ Habi _ ."

Javi did not say anything for a moment. It was like he was thinking of something. But then,

"....you know that I miss you so much, right..?" Javi said quietly.

Yuzu almost dropped his phone. He paused for a whole 5 seconds before answering.

"Yes. Yes, I know. I miss you too." They said their goodbyes and Yuzu ended the call.

His face felt like a grilled octopus. It was like he had thrown away to his middle school self when he helplessly had a crush on his English teacher. He thought he would never got the same feeling like when he was patted on the head after he got 92 in his test. Yes, winning had always brought butterflies in his stomach, but that feeling was totally different. 

And tonight, he felt it again except it was entirely on another level. He buried his head on the soft pillow and made some weird noises in Japanese. Then, he grabbed his iPod and stared at Javi's signature for no-one-knows-how-many times.

" _ Baka Habi _ " Yuzu cuddled his iPod. He put it on his forehead and smiled.

_ It's okay. _

_ I'm gonna be okay. _

The next calls were from his mom, Brian, Tracy, Ghislain and some other texts of encouragements. He will be okay. He was loved and he knew it. And that fool Spaniard was just a phone call away. Yuzu smiled as he drifted off to his sleep clutching the part of his most important person.

\---

It was in his morning tea he got the urge. He wanted to fly and now was the time to try it. No one would be there to stop him. He would show that he still got those fire. Fuck everyone else. He did it when he wanted it.

He is Yuzuru Hanyu.

Also, it would be a nice time to pour all his kuyashii out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian noticed something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a small view on how Brian would react to Yuzu and Javi relationship.

The time Brian heard Yuzu's voice, he noticed something. His voice was not as depressed as he imagined it would be. 

_ Is he okay? Did something happen? _

Then a few minutes later he realized.

_ Javi had called Yuzu. _

No one in this world could make that affect on Yuzu beside Javi. To change Yuzu's mood in the blink of an eye was Javi's specialist - Tracy being in the second. And Brian was always grateful for that. Yuzu and Javi were his exceptional kids. No matter what, they protected each other, consoled and be the other's support pilar. While they obviously had a very different characters, both of them completed each other like no one would ever be. Watching their interaction was his delightful time of the day - when they were not being a pain in the ass, of course.

"Thank you, kid."

He sent a text to Javi and got a reply almost right after.

"That's always my job."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier had his own little secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter of this story!  
> Hope you enjoy.

Javi saw the live streaming.

And he took the signs right away. Yuzu was not okay at all. He waited anxiously for few hours. Counting the time Yuzu would take to get back to the hotel. He didn't know what to say yet. But he was definitely sure Yuzu needed his voice, his presence - him.

He dialed the number he remembered by heart, hoping Yuzu was already in his room. Javi caught a hint of a cry in the split second after his call got connected.

"You are not okay. Tell me about it." He said firmly.

He knew Yuzu had to break down tonight. He needed to let his emotions out so that it would not hurt him any longer. Javi listened to Yuzu's cry, gave him words of assurance. Yuzu needed a hug and he wished he could be there with him right now.

After a while, Yuzu had become more calm. Javi dropped to his sofa and began to talk about everything. He knew Yuzu enjoyed his rants.

At the end of his story about Javi and the Rat, he heard Yuzu giggled to his joke and Javi knew at least he had stopped some bad thoughts from crossing Yuzu's mind.

"Go Yuzu. You can fly. I love you." He said softly.

He knew what it meant to say I love you to Yuzu. All these years, it became so normal to say that he  _ loved _ Yuzu. Maybe in his heart, there was a part that told him to fuck it all and give in to his feelings. But he also knew he was not ready for it. He had too many responsibilities and a dream.

He thought and felt bad about it sometimes. To leave Yuzu, to run ahead, to let go of his hands. But when he saw Yuzu, he knew how strong he was. 

They would be okay.

Maybe one day in the future, he would find that courage to run back to his Japanese boy, but right now they have their own dreams to reach and that was okay too.

He listened to Yuzu's answer.

"Yes. I know. I love you too."

A pause.

"Thank you,  _ Habi _ ."

Javi smiled, thinking of something. 

A little surprise would not hurt, right? It would not make too much of differences, right? Screw it, he would just say it right here, right now.

"....you know that I miss you so much, right..?" His voice sounded more hesitant than he intended.

Yuzu did not say anything for a full 5 second and Javi could not contain his excitement, bubbling in his chest. He made Yuzu flustered. This was one of his guilty pleasures but he just could not get enough of the cute Japanese when he became flustered.

"Yes. Yes, I know. I miss you too." Yuzu's answer was totally cute. Javi imaged him being red like a ripe tomato - Yuzu's favorite food. He grinned from ear to ear.

"Bye  _ Habi _ , Good Night." Before he got a chance to say anything, Yuzu ended their conversation. As usual, when Yuzu is flustered, he would just end the call and Javi found it cute as well.

"Good night,  _ Yuhuru _ ." Javi mispronounced Yuzu's name. He did it sometimes when he felt nostalgic and missed this boy more than he should have. It was his own secret. 

They ended the call. Javi was still smiling. Well, he could just text or call him later on. As of now, he was sure his cute Japanese boy was going to be fine. He would come back stronger. That was how it had always been.

And if one day, Yuzu decided to hang his skates and bow to the competition rink, he would still be there for him. And if Javi would ever find enough courage in the future, he would run to Yuzu and hug him with everything he got. He would give all his heart to Yuzu, not only just a signature at the back of his case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this far!!  
> This is the first time I post a multi chapter fic. I hope you enjoyed it!  
> As usual, some of your words will mean a lot to me :)


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